PMS - PMDD - PS, I love you

I have had (undiagnosed) PMDD for almost two decades. I say undiagnosed because doctors have just started to recognize that there are some of us out there that have PMS - on steroids. I have been trying to maintain the symptoms of the disorder for as long as I have been menstruating but recently, it became too much for me to manage on my own. I am not a fan of prescription drugs but things got out of hand - I was not going to work, nor was I cleaning up behind myself, nor was I even wanting to get out of bed. I didn't enjoy anything the way I used to enjoy it. All in all, I was depressed. And it went from that once a month depression to an every day thing that I couldn't shake. So, Operation Zoloft commenced.


I know that on a regular day in my life, I am no picnic. I am stubborn, slightly egotistical, and my self-professed claim to fame is that I hold a 95% record for being right...about everything that comes out of my mouth. But PMDD and the resulting depression made me unbearable. I liken the change to the metamorphosis that occurs when you pour water on one of Gizmo's brethren. I was something odd, yet cute, with a little bit of bite turned rabid Gremlin.

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With that said, this disorder getting out of hand has been a good thing for me. It forced me to get the Zoloft, whereas my previously prideful nature would have made me exhaust every other possibility. Looking back on it, I feel sorry for my high school sweetheart. He always said that he was scared to be around me when I was riding the crimson wave. I thought that he was exaggerating, but now I see that he wasn't. (I'm sorry, Greg!)

I see that I have to stay on top of this for the rest of my reproductive years. For all of the other sufferers out there, we can do it! Even though I only used the Zoloft for a month, it was enough for me to recognize that the problem is real and I was able to develop a dialogue to use with my loved ones when I am going through my "rough period" - pun intended.

Boyfriend for the week

Less than a week ago today, I met an amazing guy. He is handsome and smart. He is kind and his heart is pure. I can tell all of this in the short amount of time that we've known each other and I like it. It might be crazy, but that is how it is with me. I can know by the end of the date whether or not I can be in love with you. And you don't even have to posses Julian's (the amazing guy) attributes.

Last summer while on vacation in Cancun, I met and fell in lusty love with a man named Lee. He wasn't half as kind as Julian, nor was he as forthcoming with his feelings, but he was just as handsome and smart. He lived in England and I in the US, and I went in knowing that this had disaster written all over it, but I went in anyway. Lee made me want to take the risk. Something about that sexy Northern English accent draped over deep bass vocals with all of the cockiness you would expect from a former model/athlete turned secret agent. We carried on our affair for a few months and then he went incognito. Probably the combination of the distance and me cursing him out because of his sporadic communication. Either way, it was for the best because it opened me up to this experience with Julian and I got a trip to London with a native tour guide.

Julian moves back to Australia on Saturday. This is something that would have driven me not to get close to him in my "pre-Lee" existence. "Post-Lee", I am aware that you can have a great time with someone and that in and of itself is enough. Even though I don't have any expectations for this affair with Julian, I am having the best time I have had in a long time with a guy. I am not the least complicated girl in the world, but he seems to get me. He sent me a text suggesting that we get Batman and Robin tattoos and I told him that I would settle for Posh and Beckham. He said OK, but that he would have to get on his grind because Posh only drives a Bentley...